I came to say goodbye, yet you greet me with hello
by Yui-Mag
Summary: A short songfic where Misao makes up her mind to finally say goodbye to her Aoshi-sama and find out what life is all about... and Aoshi's reactions to the news.


Disclaimer- I do not own any of the Kenshin characters. Those characters have a wonderful author who I bow down to b/c I wish I had his imagination and his talent in drawing. All right enough with me drooling. 

The song and lyrics is also not my own, its by Gabrielle from the her cd. called RISE. (Which by the way I would recommend to anyone cause its very good!)

            'Love must be blind...' Misao thought to herself as she carried the tray with the usual pot of tea and cups. 'It must be and it must make those who are touched by it stupid...' She sighed and placed the tray's weight on one hand for a moment, pausing in her steps, to brush some bangs from her face. '...it's been three years now... and all I've gotten is maybe a smile... and some muttered words.' She bit her lip before replacing her unhappiness by a large smile. 'I know he's been through a lot... demo...' What was the point of going over all this again? What? Why for god's sake...? She had already made her decision. Misao was no longer going to wait and bring him tea every morning. No longer, no more... she was going to leave and find out what life was really all about. No more ice...

                Misao slid open the next door and walked outside, blinking sharply as the first sun rays' came to wash their early morning warmth over her. She had already said all her goodbyes yesterday, all of them had been painful... all of them had at one point made her regret her decision but not for too long. Misao sighed again. This was going to be her last goodbye and the one that would turn out to be the hardest although if she knew her Aoshi-sama, and she did, he would probably give a nod and then return to meditating. That's why it would be so painful. 'I don't even know if he cares for me or not...demo that DOESN'T matter!' Her brain hissed. She huffed a bit, not realizing how fast of a pace she had given herself until the door to Aoshi's room was in front of her nose. She blinked again, then once more, her free hand came up to rub the bridge of her nose showing how nervous she was. Taking a deep breath, she made sure her happy smile was on her face when she finally entered his room. Already, as usual, he was kneeling, his eyes blankly staring at the statue of Kami-sama without really seeing it. 'Sorry Aoshi-sama,' Misao thought weakly as she walked towards him. 'I'm going to have to interrupt your deep thoughts today.' She deposited the tray onto the ground and kneeled next to him, pouring his tea out of habit. Misao cleared her throat finally. He turned to stare at her. 

                "Hai?" He asked softly. 

                "I..." Misao stammered, rubbing her now sweaty hands on her ninja outfit. "...Aoshi-sama… I have something to tell you and..." Her thoughts started to whirl around her head and strike at her as she continued to speak. (I've been waiting for so long now...)

_Here I am, waiting for a sign, I never seem to know..._

_if you want me in your life, where do I stand._

_I just don't know._

"...And..." Her voice shook, she swallowed and then let out a sigh. "I love you Aoshi-sama. I love you more than you probably realize... demo I know that you..." Her voice broke. Her usual bluntness seemed to be leaving her when she most needed it. "...I know you don't care for me in that matter. Maybe you don't even care at all...maybe..."

_I never feel I know you_

_'Cause you blow hot and you blow cold, it seems I've grown attached..._

_though we're not the perfect match_

_I just can't explain._

"...maybe you still see me as a child even though, I'm not Aoshi-sama... I'm no longer a child." Misao brushed her tear filled eyes and stepped away. "Demo that doesn't matter anymore... I don't want to be your burden...I don't want to be anybody's burden anymore."

_Should I stay?_

_Should I go?_

_Could I ever really stand to let you go?_

_Can you now find the right words to say..._

_That maybe I'm getting in your way?_

"I'm going to leave...Okina... I've already talked to him and he agrees it's for the best. I'm no longer Okashira... I was being foolish when I thought I could be the leader... I never truly was... Okina and you were always there. Such a fool..." She blinked back some tears and shook her head as if she was trying to get rid of something. (I remember when you could look at me and still smile. Still smile a real smile. Dammit...I just can't take the waiting anymore)

_I felt your warmth, got me wanting more, you've left the door half open..._

_I'm in two minds to explore, but then again_

_Am I being honest, being true to myself, can I see my life without you?_

_Could I be with someone else?_

"I..." Misao laughed without any trace of humor, her face pale. "I just wanted to let you know... goodbye."

                                                                                                ~

                Aoshi swallowed thickly as he continued to listen, his face passive while his heart was tearing inside of him. From the first word that had fallen from her lips, he had known... he had just known that she was going to leave him. The tea's sweet fragrance filtered through the air and made a sharp contrast to everything that was happening. (No... no...) He wanted to move, to escape the barriers he himself had created. (...don't leave me...) He clenched his hands, continually tensing them and untensing them... unable to show anything else. He heard as she stifled a sob.

                "I love you..." The words seemed innocent enough... many would die to hear those words flung in the air for just them... but for Aoshi... it scared him. Scared him so much. He watched the statue of Kami-sama, watched until he thought that face would be printed in his mind forever. He wished her words would stop... he wished. "...Goodbye..."

_It seems I've grown attached, though we're not the perfect match_

_I just can't explain..._

_Should I stay, should I go_

_I really think it's time that you should let me know..._

_Can you not find the right words to say that maybe I'm getting in your way?_

_It seems I've grown attached_

_though we're not the perfect match..._

"Goodbye..." Her soft voice reached his ears. He heard the door slide open and at the same time he felt his heart drop. 

                "..." He opened his mouth, turning. 

Misao glanced at him, but just like she had pictured the scene before, Aoshi sat rock still, as if his iced wall blew all the words away from him. With some bitterness, she wondered if he had even heard the words she had spoken. (It's no use... anyway... I made my decision. Aoshi...Aoshi-sama is just not for me... that's all.) She turned away and slid the door open. 

                "...don't leave... don't leave me." Misao froze at those words. "...please...don't leave me!" The voice was strained and soft. She turned around, not believing herself, already cursing herself off. But her eyes must not have been working either. Those cold blue that had always been so closed all of sudden were full of expression, all of it pain... vulnerable... "...don't.." His voice cracked and he looked away. (I don't deserve her... kuso... why am I doing this?) A warm tear formed in the corner of his eye and he reached to wipe it away with anger. His walls had shattered, was she happy now? Was she happy? He didn't want to lose her, he didn't want to be alone. He'd lost everything dear to him already... his best friends, his family... demo if he lost her too.... His hand never touched his cheek, her hands instead, captured his face... he found himself staring into her wide blue-green eyes. 

                "...aoshi..." She whispered, forgetting her hurt. He shook her hands off his face and buried it in her open arms. 

_Should I stay,_

_should I go?_

(I think I'll stay...) The thought was strangely calm as she wrapped her arms around his trembling shoulders. She smiled.

A true smile.

Her wish had come true. "Aoshi... sorry...I didn't mean to..." His arms tightened around her and she gasped. "...I'll stay...don't worry. I'll be here for you." She whispered softly, letting her hands run through his thick black hair. "Aisheteru."

                "MISAO!!!" Omasu screamed. "MISAO..." The door was partly opened, the ninja woman noticed with fear. (She's probably left already... and ... and... no!) She jumped into the room about to scream the girl's name one more time and then curse Aoshi for being so insensitive when... she saw... and registered the scene. "...ah..." Aoshi lifted his head slowly and finally wiped the tear, he didn't bother glaring at the intruder, he felt too shaken to muster that courage. Misao, though, did it for the both of them. "...ah..." Omasu continued. "...ah...excuse me!" The woman ran out the door leaving the two in a peace that had been long awaited for. 

The end.


End file.
